This is a bit more of a serious post today, but I think it's important all the same - and hopefully it'll be able to help someone, even if it's just a tiny bit. It's kind of more difficult for me to write, but I want to all the same.

The 11th May 2012, the day I tried to kill myself. I'm not going to go into any detailed reasons why, it's something that I'd rater keep private for now. But anyway, it happened, and clearly I wasn't successful. It was actually my friend who phoned me up and would let me hang up until my family were because he could tell something wasn't right. So I guess you could say he saved my life, and for ages I was annoyed at him for that. Why shouldn't I be able to die if  I want to?


Fast forward to 11th May 2015, and I'm actually pleased for the first time that 3 years ago he phoned me and helped me. I never thought I'd be able to say that, but I am. Because it's true. I don't believe that this is a one off thing that only happens to a handful of people, I think that given time and help, many people can recover and get to better place than they have been before.

It takes a lot, but things do get better. For me it wasn't seeing therapists or psychiatrists, but dealing with it through medication and support from family. I've heard that lots of people aren't too keen on medication because they feel like they aren't in control control, but for me, I feel much more in control of my life that I have done for years and years. There were stages when I couldn't leave the house because I was so anxious, no matter how desperately I wasn't to succeeded in education I couldn't bring myself to do the work, I couldn't face getting out of bed in the mornings, I wouldn't care if I hadn't washed my hair all week because I feel like I didn't have the energy to do any of those things. For me, recovery has been about empowering myself to feel like I can achieve what I want to achieve. There are still days when I can't get out of bed, and I just find myself needing to 'go with the flow' and just allowing my mental health to come first. Forcing something that is only going to make me anxious isn't good for me, so if I feel like I'm able to, I turn it round and make it something that I want to do rather than something that I have to do.

I still have days where I just want to cry and forget about everything, but for the most part I'm happy putting my mental health first. It may seem like the end of the road, but I just like to think of it as a challenge to overcome.

Things will get better in time, but not if you're not here.  





This week is Mental Health Awareness Week, if you are having problems or you think someone you know is having problems please talk about it. The more mental health is spoken about, the faster the stigma will end.

Mind
Childline 
Help and Support 

Em x


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